赐 华 冠 与 锡 安 悲 哀 的 人 ， 代 替 灰 尘 ； 喜 乐 油 代 替 悲 哀 ； 赞 美 衣 代 替 忧 伤 之 灵 ； 使 他 们 称 为 公 义 树 ， 是 耶 和 华 所 栽 的 ， 叫 他 得 荣 耀 。
God you are good. You are always good. You have always been good. You will always be good. Even when I am not. You are still so good to me. You love me. You will always love me. You have always loved me. There is nothing that can separate me from you.
God I don’t understand. God I don’t know love. Teach me how to love as you do. On this short mountaintop I release it to you. No more nevers, no more I can’ts, no more I won’ts.
I don’t understand. Help me to believe your perfect love can do all things. I release all my fear to you.
All the my short attempts to fix myself I lift up to you. God will you train my eyes to see everything else but myself.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Song of Solomon 4
Solomon Admires His Bride’s Beauty
4 Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them has lost its young.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in rows of stone;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that graze among the lilies.
6 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will go away to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
from the mountains of leopards.
9 You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
11 Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
12 A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
13 Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits,
henna with nard,
14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all choice spices—
15 a garden fountain, a well of living water,
and flowing streams from Lebanon.
16 Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
let its spices flow.
"The heart wants to want to be healed, to be healed."
I start this fast with - God I know you are asking me to come deeper I don’t know where or how all I know that I need to follow. Where you lead me is all up to you. When I don’t understand God help me to continue following you.
I Breathe You in God - Bryan & Katie Torwalt
God is really funny at times.. I know a rough season is coming for me
where God is going to refine me and my character will be tested and
will be able to see if I am able to live out the life that I have been
praying over myself for. But wherever I may end up, at the moment all I
can do is wait and know that He is good. It’s really simple but so
many other things get clouded in the way. But I hold steadfast onto to
Him and Him alone as he shakes all the unnecessary out to make room.
So when God shakes that foundation, everything shakes
In the end I know my fear will destroy me, my understanding will
destroy me, my judgement will destroy me. God is breaking that so that
I can be free, to know, understand and fully realize what freedom in
Christ truly is, no longer motivated by what others think or how
culture dictates things should be but restoring things the way they
are meant to be,realizing that I’m ruined from the world because of
God help me to love you when I don’t understand.
And when I don’t understand I will choose you.
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Mondays are used to reminiscence the fleeting joys of the weekend but to prepare for the upcoming ones in 5 days time.
Do you hear me?
I sit in silence, absolute silence awaiting your words… many nights I have fallen asleep to the dreads of this world passing me by, hoq luch I wish to just hold onto what is now, here. afraid of the future, in 10 20 30 years? my appending death, no matter what i do it is coming, awaiting in the darkness and that scared me Lord, to death. Unable to function embrace the joys of this world because of this fear, making myself hate everything of this world because it seemed meaningless.. because in the end, is what? nothing. I wanted the easy way out, I did not wish to see you. I wanted you to come sooner so that I may not have to suffer through this world. I should have remember that you would not test me greater than I am able to handle. Why could I not be stronger? I dwell in my sufferings and my own self righteousness. Forgive me. Forgive me for not embracing what you have given me to find my purpose in life. Forgive me for letting my own reasoning cloud my ways. Forgive me for letting my stubborness cover you. Forgive me for doing only what I thought was right. Forgive me for only doing what I want to do. Not what you want me to do. Help me to PRAY FOR FINDING WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, NOT I.
I want to hear you. So I sit in silence not thinking aimlessly but focused on your voice. Help me Lord to tune out the world and see you when all is lost. Help me to wait for you patiently. Help me to find joy in this world. Help me not to be desensitized. Help me to laugh again. wholeheartly.
Why have you brought me here?
I know you are there.
Do you hear me?
If you did not think I wsa strong enough you would not have let me stay sane, if you did not love me I would not even be able to question you. So you leave me in this point.. I am angry. Angry you make me suffer.
your voice- What is your suffering compared to mine?* and I am humbled. I ask, Why are you silent? Why do you tease me with these tricks? What do you want from me? What do I need to do?
Bring me direction, guidance, some light onto what I need to do to know you more. There must be an answer other than, read your word daily. This I know but if my hear is not there how can my discipline follow? Open my hear that I may see you emotions, I am lost. Have been for a while, desperate for your words. Desperate to see you again. Desperate to follow, take me away from this world. Let my life be for your purpose. Let me find the faith to trust you whole heartedly again. There is more to this life that what I see or will see. Help me to trust your ways. Help me be strong in your will. Help me not falter. Help me to see every opportunity as a way to be joyful for you.
What are you saying to me? What should I do? What is true?
In silence, stillness for you..
Do you hear me? Hear my pain. Hear my suffering. Hear my desires. Hear my needs. Hear my desperation. Hear my bitterness. Hear my longing. Hear me waiting for you. Hear me listening. Hear me.
Hear me. Hear me. Hear me..
Tell me what to do. Tell me what to think. Tell me what to say. Tell me what I need to do. Tell me what more I can do. Tell me how much more I should be doing. Show me what I do not cannot see. Tell me what is wrong. Tell me what is right. Tell me where I need to do. Tell me how to get there. Tell me when. Tell me.
I am listening.
I am waiting.
I am here.
I am yours.
What is experience without it.
So I will call. How bad could it be?
If nothing at all I still have the little memory of feeling noticed even it was for 5 minutes with someone two inches away from my face… and that memory makes me smile. Isn’t that what life is about the collection of little memories that randomly pop up through the day to make you feel like someone. So I do exist.